I am fat, and it’s all your fault.
When every happenstance seems mundane and ordinary, when you disappear, and they all slowly walk away, and all of it threatens to push me over the edge, into vast nothingness, I try and focus on my breathing. Inhale, exhale: over and over again, until the need to regulate it ceases, until I can focus on nothing but me, alone, safe, and warm, still alive and breathing. I focus on the smiles and laughter sequestered by the defense mechanisms honed by me and by you, by us all: romantic comedies/ action movies, popcorn, Coke with lots of ice and copious amounts of chocolate ice cream.
of habits and homecomings…?
I am reading Ashok Banker’s Ramayana series. The retelling, if you please, of one of the greatest epics ever written.
I was super excited about this particular series, I finally ordered it online, I got a good deal and now, I’ve finished Book 1, Prince of Ayodhya. Ram is terribly awesome, Ravana is so evil and fun, sadly, Dasaratha is quite the ideeyut.. And me being me – even though I have problems with the prose, with some of the scenes, with some characters - will sit and read all the books cause I just have to finish a series if started. So, I am now reading Book 2, Seige of Mithila. Sita has finally been introduced and well, she is quite something. I like. His words and sentences and openings and even chapters seem better edited, better placed. I do hope this maturing of writing style continues for the next 5 books. Sigh.
Oddly enough, it’s Diwali, day after. Ram’s homecoming. Not Rama’s, Ram’s. Thankyouverymuch. And I’m reading all about him eh? Heh! But I just don’t feel the festivities this year.. I haven’t felt the need to go buy something new to wear, I haven’t even helped Maa shop for gifts or sweets or those crazy hampers you get during Diwali season! It’s quite upsetting. If I wasn’t so brain dead, it would be disconcerting!
Oh! well, nevermind all that. Happy Diwali everyone! Decorate ‘em houses with candles and diyas! Eat mithai, play cards with super low stakes, dress up, smile and do NOT burst crackers, please! Heh.
PS. I want to write a fuckin’ awesome book! I really do, now please give me a story.
Meme, Meal Meme.
Ms Narcotic has tagged me to do a Meal Meme!
“Five memorable meals ever eaten: It could be anything that makes the meal memorable – the food, the place, the place you were in your life when you ate, the company, the weather, the ambiance – heck, the guy who served the food!”
Alright then, here goes.
1. Mutton Curry and Rice, Summer Vacation, Class V (I think)
This was the year I fell in love with spices. My mother is the world’s best cook, and yes, I know everyone feels that way about their mothers. But seriously, my mother is the best cook in the world. The food this gorgeous woman serves makes you fall in love with food, with life, with yourself and her. The mutton is cooked to perfection – first, it is sealed in searing hot oil; then, it is added to the masala of caramelised onions and khada masalas, spices in their purest form possible; then, it is cooked over low heat till it is perfect.
This particular meal was prepared with onions chopped by me. I was allowed to sit and observe in the kitchen, and the tips she talked of have stayed with me till today. Once the food was cooked, I was asked to go change and be ready to eat with everyone. After a shower, I sat in the large, cool kitchen on a hot summer day and devoured the mutton curry with rice. That was also the summer I realised that curries and rice should be eaten, not with forks or spoons, but with your hands! Yum!
2. Lunch at The Belvedere Dining Room, Tollygunge Club, Calcutta (now Kolkata), Sumer Vacation, Class VI
I was asked to wear a skirt and a pretty top that my Massi (Aunt) gave me. We drove in a chauffeur driven car through Calcutta and I loved every bit of the crazy traffic for it took me through enormous gates and lush greens of the Tollygunge Club. We were seated at a beautiful table, with silver cutlery, white and blue crockery and crystal glasses! Everything was exquisite and reminiscent of the luxury of “the Raj”, I felt like I had been transported to a time long forgotten. I remember eating tiny morsels of baby shrimp, followed by a gorgeous chicken au gratin as the main course. I had never felt more grown up and elegant – ‘playing the part of a lady’. I loved the way the maitre d’ waited for me with a smile to make up my mind and place the order. The creme brulee at the end of the meal made me crave a second helping! It was a wonderful afternoon, and I don’t think any other creme brulee or fine dining restaurant has matched up to my first…
3. Dessert at The Big Chill, College 1st year
The first year at college was coming to and end, we had ‘em groups and people we would hang out with. But this particular dessert was special. It was 4 girls attacking this enormous chunk of ice cream pie, the Mississippi Mudpie! We grabbed our forks/spoons and giggled over it. we talked and shared, smoked and had ‘em discussions. It was fantastic. Yes, we all fell in some sort of love that day. Yes, I love them, still (!)
4. Finishing an entire Watermelon (one of those crazy 4-5 kilo ones) at my house, 2003
I don’t remember what we ate for lunch, I don’t even remember drinking that day. I do distinctly remember sitting in my room and eating watermelon and cursing the seeds and still eating some more with Led Zepp, DT, Maiden, and others playing in the background. Even Lizzy was there, my pet Labrador, and my friends kept on requesting Thin Lizzy songs or Black Dog over and over again. It was one of those days when everything seemed so right and comfortable and fun, without even trying. Ah, miss that house. Miss those days when ;having fun’ didn’t need so much planning.
5. Nihari at Ballimaran, October/November 2007
I remember parking at CP, taking the Metro, then the rickshaw ride. It was one of those beautiful dark nights with a sliver of the moon gleaming against the cloudless dark sky. We walked on, crossed Ghalib ka darwaza, walked some more and finally made it to this tiny shop like restaurant. We were served Nihari, Marrow and Brain all cooked to perfection, garnished with copious amounts of butter, with chillies and ginger! I ate so so much that night! We all did! We even ate habshi halwa on our way back. I distinctly remember Asif Bhai telling me how proud he was of my abilities to consume insane amounts of food! Hehe!
Special mentions -
Sushi, sushi and more sushi, China Town, Sydney – I fell in love! I also realized sea urchins are not my thing. Not. At. All.
Breakfast in bed: cheese omelette, butter toast, chai and apple cake – I fell in love, all over again!
***
People, do share your memorable meals! You know who you are..!
of weekends with friends…
Delhi is my muse, it is my inspiration, it is my love. Delhi, over the years, has also changed to being the home I cannot leave, the city that makes me want to eradicate many, many of its inhabitants and my nemesis. It matters, it thrives, it lives, it dreams with very realistic expectations, it is aggressive and loud and in-your-face. It is over-populated, over-polluted, the greenest capital, the grittiest capital, the shiniest capital with an underbelly to die for! It makes me proud, it makes me cringe, it makes me want to run away, it beckons me if I’m gone for too long. It’s the trees, the roads, the buildings, the people and the food. It makes me run, it makes me run back. Delhi is my first love. Delhi is my last love. You, my love, fall somewhere in between. You, my friend, will always know how I feel.
A long weekend passes by far too quickly for anyone’s liking. So, we fill it up with as much as we can possible manage to make the memories and stories suffice. We consumed afternoon martinis and beer, complete with a Bengali lunch at my Bong baby’s place. We lounged at The Golf Bar at Maurya. We oggled at the teams and organizers, whoever we could oggle at. Heh. We consumed beers and cigarettes and laughed at nothing in particular. We drove to India Gate and gazed in wonder and pride. We walked around the greens and stuffed our faced with bright pink cotton candy! This was followed by a Bioscope show(!), really horrendous Bioscope complete with blaring Bollywood numbers. We then blew soap bubbles with a newer version of the cheap contraption from our childhood and giggled like tiny, happy children! Of course one of us, as usual, wanted to get the technique right! Another one got soap in his mouth and last but not the least, she managed to create bubble hives that were truly disgusting! I like my usual self, tried to boss everyone around, unsuccessfully!
Eating ice cream at India Gate is something every Delhite should do; it is fabulous! You walk around this spectacular monument, on a gorgeous full moon night and eat your favourite ice cream. It’s almost perfect.
We then headed off to Cafe Morrison and tried to headbang, tried to read people, tried to not stare at some people, tried not to laugh too loudly at some..! The drink was Bacardi and Limca. The music ranged from Psycho DJ to not the usual stuff which was so the usual stuff to complete and utter madness. I cannot explain it. Let me try… no I cannot. But it’s Morrison and we always meet people we adore and hear songs we scream the lyrics to… as I said, it’s Morrison! Of course we didn’t end the night there. We were out for the night. We ate and we drank some more… All in all, it was a good Saturday. So, what did you do this weekend?
PS. Watch Gulaal (again, if you’ve already seen it, it’s even better the second/ third time).
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The answer to life, the Universe and everything doesn’t help when you want it all “figured out”. That is what I want. I want it all figured out. I am tired of looking for answers, I cannot make any more pro-con lists, I am unable to weigh my options or not balance ‘em lists. I want you to please tell me what next? What am I supposed to do next. Please, let me know. Oh and please make sure that I end up smiling and laughing, baking and stir-frying, mixing cocktails and making preserves right at home, reading and writing lots and lots of stories, in the hills and next to the beach, with enough DVDs to last me a lifetime, with enough time to watch re-runs, surrounded by all of you, in warm happy sunlight and nostalgic outpourings of the rains. Please do.
