Run stupid RUN!
At work, you meet a variety of people. You shock them and they shock you. Culture shock is possible in a short drive from home to office. What is also possible here, is a complete and utter shattering of your belief system. I am talking an 8 or more on the Richter scale!
If you need my help or have to work with me, do NOT piss me off. How to NOT piss me off? Or most people around you is by using a little bit of discretion and a lot of Google and dictionary.com! It’s quite simple, really. Let’s illustrate the problem at hand.
#1
We have Cisco phones at work, it flashes your name bright and clear for me to read, even then, in my world it is alright to say…
“Hi Sirop, this is XYZ speaking”
“Yes, XYZ, tell me.”
“I work in so and so team in the Delhi office”
“Hmmm.”
“Are you in the Delhi office?”
“Yes…”, See, the problem starts right here! All Delhi office extensions start with the number 4. All of them. Not any OTHER location’s!
“Oh good. I need 20 copies of Lala guide”
“Oh well, that won’t be possible”
“WHY? But my Partner wants it you know!”
“I understand”
“I don’t think you do. He wants 20 copies right now!”
“Well, it’s a global publication and we have not received copies of the same, I can however give you a soft copy”
“No no! What would clients do with a soft copy. Even I have been wanting to read it and cannot unless something is on paper!”
“We are not allowed to print it”
“Give me your printer number and the global office number!”
“That will not help… the printer needs source files to print and will charge you a”
“Money is not a concern!”
“But it is… we are cutting…”
“You don’t understand anything! This is urgent!”
“Just email them to the clients”
“You don’t understand! I’ll get fired! BYE!”
And she hung up! HUNG UP!
#2
She called on my extn. 5 times in a row. I was on a conference call, so she starts calling on my cell. Ugh. I pick up the phone to…
“Sirop! Where are you? This is urgent! I need your help NOW!”
“I am on a call, can I get back to you please…”
“No! NOW!” *pause* “Please!”
I put the conference call on mute and said, “Yes… tell me”
“I need you to help me find a report”
“Okay? What is it called?”
“I don’t know.”
*Stunned silence* I ask, “How do I find it then?”
“I have a quote from it!”
“Okay… let’s Google that then”
“Really! You can do that!”
“Well, I am really tied up”
“No, please find it”
“I’m very busy… See, it’s fairly simple…”
“Fine. Don’t help me! Let me tell you I have to report to Mr. ABC with the report in the next hour! He gave the quote!”
“Huh?”
“What?”
“He gave the quote!”
“Yes!”
“Ask his EA to pull out his schedule and get the name of the report release he spoke at… that is if you cannot ask him yourself”
“HOW can I ask HIM?”
“Ask his EA, Do a Google search… and if you still cannot find it, wait till my call gets over.”
“Thanks for being no help Sirop. Thanks so much”
And surprise, surprise she hung up!
#3
“Hi Sirop, can you send me credential pack for so and so client”
“Well, credentials are not client-specific”
“Yes they are!”
“Ohkay..! I have a generic deck, please customise them…”
“Really? you have them!”
“Yes, I’ll just mail them to you…”
“Thanks… but errr…”
“Yes?”
“What do you mean customise?”
!?!
#4
“Hi… you edited the document I had written”
“Yes, as your document had to be finalised urgently, I used the branding and writing checklist to…”
“You have made mistakes”
“Oh”
“Yes. You changed it apostrophe s to just its”
“Yes, because the its you wanted to use should have been the one which has a possessive noun meaning…”
“I don’t care about nouns! I have been using it’s and its forever. You made a mistake”
“Uhuh.”
“I am changing it back.”
“No you are not.”
“But…”
“I am not wrong, let me explain…”
“No! I am right, you are wrong!”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
So, exasperate me, asked, “Well.. what source will you trust?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Online links? Grammar guide’s scan… what?”
“My manager did not pick it up”
“Go to the manager again and ask”
“But I am right!”
“Sorry, I’m getting a call, please check with your manager again.”
“But…”
“Sorry, big daddy calling, bye.”
WHAT THE FACK!? He is 19 going on anal retentive! Argh. That’s what happens when you put babies in the workplace.
Now, to top it all off! I am going to go to office to ensure a courier goes out on time for an event on Monday evening. I would like to say… BURN! MOTHERF***ER! BURN! But I say to one and all, if you’re stupid and around me… RUN!
Purely_Narcotic said,
5 July 2009 at 1:22 am
This is the workplace?! How do these people even get jobs, man?! If I were you, I’d have asked them to slowly pull head out of ass, breathe, breathe, breathe and now use brain.
Sirop said,
5 July 2009 at 12:09 pm
This is the worst of the workplace. It happens… look around, you’ll find them in the land of big and plenty too!
Purely_Narcotic said,
5 July 2009 at 1:23 am
And dude, WTF is all that pink in your sidebar?! Puke-o-Rama!
Sirop said,
5 July 2009 at 12:10 pm
It’s a dash of colour! It is appreciation for the blue-grey, grey-blue that this blog is!
Neha said,
5 July 2009 at 12:00 pm
Hi Sirop. Nice post this. I work in the same office. Not all Delhi extensions start with a 4. Plus you may have a Delhi extension, but can log in from anywhere in India, right?
Sirop said,
5 July 2009 at 12:07 pm
Well, yes. But why I used Delhi was because I didn’t feel like using the name of the particular building where the extensions start with a 4.
And Neha, my apologies, I will keep in mind how this particular bit should not make me roll my eyes. :)
peregrine said,
7 July 2009 at 9:28 pm
i sympathize… empathize…. death to all secys…ha ha ha….
Sirop said,
7 July 2009 at 11:00 pm
Haw! They are not all secys!
peregrine said,
8 July 2009 at 12:13 pm
that is even worse… shows lack of talent / common sense in the crew we are signing on…..
Anonymous said,
8 July 2009 at 12:12 pm
I think these are the people that make mundane corporate existence slightly more fun.. Oh what would I do without them….
Sirop said,
8 July 2009 at 12:15 pm
Live in peace? Not get frustrated? Not want to break office property?
Purely-Narcotic said,
8 July 2009 at 12:16 pm
Haha. I like that peregrine almost equates common sense to talent. :)
Sirop said,
8 July 2009 at 12:31 pm
Peregrine! Any comments?
So lack of talent also equals lack of common sense? Or is someone with common sense also talented?
peregrine said,
8 July 2009 at 12:40 pm
considering the rate at which things are these days… people with decent common sense are slowly becoming rare talent.
and the logic path maybe is :
i am talented = i may not possess common sense / i am rude and inane.
i possess common sense = i may not be talented but am an infinitely decent bloke than my friend above.
so sirop, lack of talent may not necessarily equal lack of common sense
then again, how is talent defined ? :)
Sirop said,
8 July 2009 at 2:31 pm
Here you go!
Talent:
endowment of natural abilities or qualities
a person who possesses unusual innate ability in some field or activity
Purely-Narcotic said,
8 July 2009 at 10:12 pm
I thought it read well if it was to be interpreted as common sense is so rare these days that’s it almost a talent.
Sirop said,
8 July 2009 at 11:32 pm
What’s with typos today! :S
Anonymous said,
10 July 2009 at 3:39 pm
Btw Sirop, not all extensions in that building start with a 4.. hehe..
Sirop said,
10 July 2009 at 4:16 pm
Congratulations on realising we ran out of extensions and gave people temporary ones! Anything else? Can’t you people just laugh or roll your eyes? See, what this place does to people! Chheh.
Neha said,
22 July 2009 at 5:04 pm
zimble loved this 1 :))) People… people people….. the kind u meet!!!