as random as random can get…
Scribbling your name over and over again and scarring those pristine white sheets of paper helps you snap back to reality…? Or escape it? The self obsessed doodling isn’t good for you. It isn’t good for the trees to waste paper. It isn’t good. Staring at yourself in the mirror isn’t good either. Not when they are trying to get your attention. But I don’t want to pay them any attention. I don’t. You know, you could do so much with your life if it weren’t for you fucking it up all the time. Well, I did fuck it up didn’t I? So why don’t you fuck off? I won’t. I can’t. See how I’m wearing the same shade as the pristine sheets of paper you ruined. I am here to help. Oh fuck off. Seriously, just leave me alone. Pretty please. You need to stop smoking like a chimney, are you listening to me! Stop. Hey! leave my cigarette alone. Don’t you dare touch it you crazy..! Say it, say it. Why don’t you. Do you see how horrible you look when you smile, with those stupid stains on your teeth. Yellow. Ugly. Disgusting. And your lips, they are turning black. You can’t do this to yourself… listen to me! I honestly don’t care. I’ll pay the dentist and get them cleaned. And I like black. It never goes out of fashion! Hah! You are killing yourself. Ok look at yourself in the mirror. Now now, you are contradicting yourself. This is truly, shocking. Listen to me you dimwitted moron, use that brain of yours, stop this nonsense. You can quit. You can snap back to reality. You can get your life in order. Well it is in order. Structured chaos. Beautiful isn’t it. Maddening and in your face, like those purple storms. Nature demands it sweetheart. Let go of me… Let me breathe the way I want to, the kind of breathing that lets me take in huge gulps of air as if I’ve run a long long way. Let me stare for I like it, and for I am not staring at anyone but me. Let me be for I like being, here and now, no matter how full of shit this room is. Let me inhale the warmth and exhale black soot in your face. You should try it, its not an expensive brand and is simply exquisite! Here go on… take a drag… it’ll probably calm you down. You want some tea? You know white is quite becoming on you. I personally prefer black but then we all have our favourites don’t we. Well, appearances… you look gorgeous right now but that doesn’t stop you from being a pain in every posterior in the vicinity! Carry on, vent. It helps you I know… Breathe. And talk some more… You’ll be fine. It’ll all be ok, it will trust me. Oh shut the fuck up and go wash your white gown or whatever you are wearing, ’cause I just threw my cup of tea on it as a retort to your bullshit.
